When children misbehave, discipline is an essential part of the learning process that they must go through in order to discover what is acceptable behavior and what sorts of behavior should be avoided. Parents have a difficult role, because they must balance the need to punish a child with the desire to comfort them. Their reactions toward their children’s actions also must be markedly different than how one would react to the same action by an adult, which can be difficult to remember in a moment of anger. But there are some tips on how to make sure your discipline is effective.
1. Be calm. If you’re extemely angry with your child, you should not discipline them at that time. This is the appropriate time to ask your child to go to their room and think about what they did. This may not be an effective punishment for the situation, but it does give you time to calm down and evaluate the appropriate response to the child’s actions. Yelling, hitting or any other discipline that stems from anger teaches your child that outbursts are an appropriate reaction when faced with a challenging situation.
2. Avoid too much criticism. Of course a child should understand exactly what aspect of their behavior that you find objectionable, but using this opportunity to complain about other aspects of the child’s attitude, behavior or actions that you also find to be lacking creates a disconnect between the discipline and the action that warranted the discipline. Avoid absolutes like always and never when talking about the child’s behavior. Focus on the immediate actions.
3. Understand the difference between rewards and bribes. Rewards and praise can reinforce positive behavior, as long as it’s not used excessively. Rewards should always come after a positive action has been performed and works best when the child didn’t know it was coming. Bribes are given out beforehand to motivate a child to perform a positive act (although it’s becoming common for parents to bribe children by promising them a certain reward after a given act, making it a bribe instead of a reward0.