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It’s a battle too familiar, waged every afternoon — your child is staring at you, defiant as only a toddler can be. He has spent the hours exploring your home, demanding your attention with careless laughter. Now, however, he is offering a glare. There is crayon smeared along the walls behind him, scribbles of red and green. He has drawn pictures that won’t be easily undone; and he refuses to apologize for them, can’t understand why you aren’t pleased.
Discipline is now necessary — but it can’t be a simple choice of a slap, the screams and fury. You are angry. This is understandable. It cannot become an excuse for poor parenting, however.
Children will make mistakes. This is a truth that must be recognized by all. To become upset by every single accident (they are inevitable) will only lead to bad decisions and far worse consequences. You are not to be controlled by your rage. You are instead to offer helpful solutions.
Never strike your child. Never shout profanities. These methods are all too common among families and provide no value. They only serve to confuse and frighten, unable to offer the connections between right and wrong. Your son or daughter won’t understand what you’re shrieking. They will instead only be afraid. This inspires no lessons — beyond believing you are now more terrifying than the monsters of their nightmares.
You must instead be calm. Explain (in a steady tone) why an action is unwanted. Involve your child in the process of fixing the problem — such as scrubbing down the wall. Be certain also not to scream. There will be nothing gained in that. You must instead remain stern, but fair. Offer the reasons for your displeasure and keep repeating them. Make certain your child can parrot them back and tell you their meanings.
The process of cause and effect must be one without fear. It can only offer progress when it’s understood.
