- Image by darrenou via Flickr
It’s a notion that should’ve worked, an idea that seemed so right — a child had been defiant, was unwilling to obey the rules. He’d ignored all of your warnings, refused to behave. Instead he offered a toddler’s contempt, forcing you to then choose a punishment. It had to be one of great effect, you knew. It couldn’t be weak; it couldn’t be basic. You needed instead a true devastation. And so you turned off the television, claiming that it couldn’t be watched for a week.
You thought yourself so clever. You were sure this was wise. Your child was immediately repentant, tried his best to convince you that he was sorry. You remained firm, however, and sent him on his way.
That firmness lasted only through the afternoon, dissolving once you saw how miserable a youth was. You gave in — and the entire purpose of a punishment was lost.
Making grand promises is a dangerous thing. You can offer words in anger, only to find that they’re not reasonable within the rest of your life (such as banning your son from the computer, even as he needs it for school, or grounding your daughter before realizing you’d already promised to let her attend a birthday event). The contradictions can be quick and confusing; and they can leave you constantly revising what you’ve said.
This is not good.
Discipline demands constancy. All rules must be enforced and there can be no wavering. When you offer punishments that can’t be maintained, however, you lose all ability to impress your child. He won’t believe the threats. He won’t be concerned with the consequences. Instead he’ll think that you’re simply lying… and will then continue on with what he’s doing.
You must therefore never offer a punishment while upset. Be certain you know precisely what you’re saying and that it can actually be done. Choose smaller, more immediate effects. They provide greater impressions and can be completed.
